i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize
