Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize