seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
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