The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
