Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
