so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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