She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
