the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
