Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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