why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
i've created a new STD.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
