I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
