So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
