I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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