I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
