Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
