Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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