I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
