You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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