im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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