Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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