He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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