your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
