i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
