finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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