My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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