Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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