i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
