I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
