Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
