talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
birth control should be required to get into college
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
pray to the hookup gods
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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