i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Randomize