Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
