Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Randomize
