i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
you traded sex for a burrito?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
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