What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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