Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
