Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
she smelled like a LAN party
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
