I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
