i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
