This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize