apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
