I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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