why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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