You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
