fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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