Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
