your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
