don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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