you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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