Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize