I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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