I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
