Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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