Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
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