If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
