Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Randomize