just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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