i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
