tell your sister to shave her snatch
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
