I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
