I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
