Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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