Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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