Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
