i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
