When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
