ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
