Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I am naked and annoyed.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Randomize
