Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
